I Met That Girl Named Tennessee

Today, was pretty long. We (Me, mom, and Robert) are driving to Texas to our house in Nocona. We left our house at 9:15, and the time before that is known as the dark side of vacationing. We got on the road, and we just drove. Our first stop was at a Walmart to see if they had a plug for my TV in the car. They didn’t, so we also stopped at Target. They didn’t have it either. We continued our journey and I just watched TV on Robert’s TV. We watched Star Wars I, II, and III. I love Star Wars.

We continued our journey and we got to stop at Granny and P-Paws house (my other grandparents), and we got to see them. Their dog Holly was so happy to see me, and so was Toby. Granny said she hadn’t seen Holly that excited before. I got to show them my rifle and flags for color guard, but it was really windy, so I mostly did Rifle. They were really impressed. I also got to tell the that I am now apart of the NSHSS. It was especially impressive to then since my family isn’t known for their grades. We only stayed for about 45 minutes until we left.

Our next stop was at a Cracker Barrel for dinner. I has 2 scrambled eggs, 3 pieces of Bacon, and 2 biscuits with Gravy. It was pretty good, I had forgotten how cheap it was to eat there compared to our restaurants in the DC area. We entered Tennessee, and the first thing we did was come to check in at the hotel were staying at. When we left, we explored Pigeon Forge, TN, and we stopped at a go kart place. I went on my first go kart today, guys! It was really fun! I went on it again with my brother, then we walked down to a gift shop. I was disgusted with the amount of confederate flags and sex stickers/shirts that were in there. My brother and I both got black teddy bears. I named mine Coal. get it, get it? like black coal, and were in the mountains… No? Anyone? ok…. Then we went on to “The Island”, and I saw another Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville. (The first I saw was at Key West). I also found really cool rainbow 3D glasses on the ground. I’m not a hoarder, I just collect a bunch of trash. Finally on our way back to the hotel, Robert and I stopped at a Baskin Robbins. He had a Cotten Candy, and I had a Chocolate Fudge.

I’m tired, and its 12:36 AM so that means it’s mom’s birthday. Night, ya’ll

Both Hands on the Wheel, So Much Running Through My Mind

Today was fun. I woke up late (10:20) so I actually slept to a normal hour, my family just clasifies it as “late”. I actually woke up to the fire alarm, which was quite nerve racking because I could smell pancake smoke. It was weird because I normally don’t hear it go off when I’m asleep. I got out of bed, put on pants, grabbed my phone, and put on a hair tie. I ran downstairs, and to the kitchen because I heard yelling and panic. I just sat there and watched when I realized there was no fire. It was just smoke.

When mom realized I was down there, she told me I would be taking my Drivers permit test today. My anxiety had a significant spike, and I started to panic. I had failed my first one some months ago by two questions, and I have been scared of it ever since. I told her I wasn’t ready and she said to go get the study manual and we would study. We studied for a total of 4 hours and 37 minutes. We only had a small break so Memom, mom, and I could play a round of Rummikub. It was a nice break. When we had gone through the entire manual mom and I went out to the DMV.

We filled out the entire information page, and when I was called up to desk 16, I took my picture, and signed a signer thing, and took the vision test. Obviously, I passed that. Then she sent me to computer 8 and I took the signs test. It was 10 questions of signs and their meanings, and I passed that. Most people have issues with that part because you have to get a 10/10, but I always found the signs very easy. Never the less, when it told me I got 10/10, I felt better. The next thirty questions are about anything. you have to get a 24/30 on that portion. I took them, and when the computer told me I passed with27/30 I was filled with relief, and happiness. All that anxiety over the past 7 months, and now I have a single piece of paper telling me I can drive.

I wanted to go out with mom alone to celebrate, and we went to On The Boarder. I love their chips and salsa, and I got chicken tacos which were fantabulous. Afterwards we went behind the building to an empty parking lot, and I got to drive the car or about 10 minutes. It’s pretty scary at first, which I wasn’t expecting, and as I said in the video “Of course this is scary, mom. 7 billion people in this world, and I’m now responsible for their lives.” She said “O~k.” When we finished those 10 minutes we went to Baskin Robbins, and we got a cake to celebrate my victory. They have the best cakes. It says: “¡VROOM!” It tasted really good. Then I took a shower, and that was my day.

(P.S. Has anyone noticed all my blog titles come from song lyrics?)

It’s Gonna be Better

There is an absolutely beautiful quote out there, and if you read my first short story (Nonexistent) for my book (Summer of Broken Hearts) You’ll recognize it. “Parallel lines have a lot in common, but they never meet. Ever. You might think thats sad. But every other pair of lines crosses and drifts apart, and that’s pretty sad too.” While beautiful, I’m now going to criticizes my own quote.

Are any of you familiar with the song “Line Story”? No? How about “The Circle of Lines”? Didn’t think so. That’s probably because they don’t exist. After position my story to Fanfiction.net, and WordPress, I continued to recognize that I made an error with that quote. The fact of the matter is that that (I said that that) we should never compare love to lines. Love is more of, how do I put it? Well, as the Doctor would say, it’s “wibbly wobbly, timey whimey, stuff” and as the lion king would say it’s a circle (of life). To compare a set of lines to love is like saying a rock looks like a christmas tree. Love is not (or should not) be that rigid or precise. Ever. If that’s how your relationship is going, run. Now. Love, especially for high schoolers, is supposed to come in cycles, it goes up and down all the time. It’s never meant to go on a set path, because you have to make the path. The path isn’t perfect and that’s why it can’t be a pair of lines. I guess with that definition it can’t be a circle either, It’s too perfect with it’s circumference divided by diameter ALWAYS equaling π. Points to Doctor Who for being able to describe everything perfectly.

….Just saying….

Doctor who, I miss Doctor Who. I can’t wait for August so it can come back. The doctor always found a way to sneak into my heart and make me feel something. Emotions. The Cybermen wouldn’t be happy. I guess when you’re a villain, people start to find ways to oppose you. It’s just something we do. We always try to identify a bad guy and prove them wrong. We do it with our siblings, too. Today Robert and I were fighting over the last cookie, and I thought him the bad guy for two reasons. 1) I wanted the cookie 2) I didn’t want HIM to have it. But at the same time, he did the same thing to me. It’s funny how our wants blind us from what is right. And guess what.

He ended up getting the cookie.

You Can’t Take Me I’m Free

Hey, Sorry for not posting these past few days. I’ve been busy…. starting SUMMER!!!! So, happy summer guys. I think we all should be honest with each other in the fact that we all think summer is the most important holiday, and should be a holiday. I feel very strongly about that. there is always family bickering on Thanksgiving, and Easter, and Christmas, but there seems to be little to none over summer. At least not until the end. At the end most people, I find, are so sick of being with their families, and are ready to go back to school.

At least that is how my family is. Speaking of school, I went in with Memom (my grandmother) and my mom to help pack up her classroom. That was boring, but it’s all done now!!! It took all day. Who knew that first and second graders made such a mess?! well, I guess I did, but that’s not the point.

Another thing about moms work, I hate when people ask if she is a special education teacher. No, she is not. She teaches first and second graders. At this point people will say how can she do that, and in my head, I will silently ask how they tie their own shoes in the morning. I don’t even know why people asking this bothers me, and I don’t have a reason for it to. I just do, so I’m going to tell you so you guys don’t ask. In our county, if it is believed for a student to have more benefit staying with one teacher for two years, they do. And if they need more of a compassionate teacher rather than strict, the student goes to my mom.

I’m tired 😛 so I’m going to bed. Night!

Pierced by the Fire

I think that there comes a time in everyones life where you feel defeated.

I always thought when my parents broke up that would be the worst part of my life, and the most broken I’d ever be. I was wrong. When it happened I was in shock. I had feared it, and I had been scared of it. Every night before I went to bed, mom would have to come in my room and promise me three things:

• No tornados
• No fires, and
• Her and dad wouldn’t get a divorce.

Had told her he wanted to get divorced in Yellowstone National Park. It was the worst trip ever. It rained all day and night for the entire week we were there. Robert was almost a year old and was very misbehaved, and I didn’t help. Robert wouldn’t cry if he had a cheat in his hand, but I didn’t want him to eat my cheetos, so I’d take them away from him. (Bad sister, I know.) I remember the yelling and I’d just talk to a baby Robert who couldn’t understand what I was saying. But that wasn’t the day I found out.

When we got home there was more yelling and crying. Dad yelled at me to get inside. When I was inside, I sat down in the floor, and mom sat on the opposite side of the room from dad. She was crying and gave me a look that sent 1,000 apologies at once. I knew something awful must’ve happened and I began to cry. When dad told me, I was torn in to pieces. I was only five and I don’t think I fully understood what divorce meant back then. I also think that 5 is the worst part to have parents divorce. You’re young enough to remember what they did and their mistakes, but you’re young enough to still have to grow up through your childhood with out them. Later that year we moved back to Virginia from Utah. Three months later dad was begging Mom to come back. Three months after that I was at his wedding as a bridesmaid, and flower girl.

It is now that I realize that Josh was the one to have broken my heart the most. I honestly don’t know what I will do without him Josh and I were dating for a long time, and I really loved him. I still do. I’m really going to miss him if he decides to officially end it on Thursday. Until them I can still hope that he will see what I see, because he was the one. And he will always be the epic love of my life, and I don’t know I’ll find someone quite like him again. He was unique, special, and as Taylor Swift would say: “He is the best thing that’s ever been mine.”

Why I Hate Soccer – Poem

Once upon a time, I was on team Frasier 

And I will admit it was a bit of a rager

Not just because I was on a team with a rager

Yeah, I’m looking at you, Nash

–

Regardless of my team mates, I made a goal

And to me it was promised it was good for the soul 

Not for me I guess because I still felt empty in my soul

Yeah, don’t ask me why, it’s a long story

–

Fine I guess I’ll tell you why I hate soccer

And sit down because for some; this will come as a shocker

Not until I was at my locker did I realize this shocker

I hate soccer because I made that goal

–

How I made that goal, I didn’t know why

All I know is I made it and my teammates each let out a sigh

Of relief I guess, that’s why humans sigh

But either way I still didn’t understand how I made that goal

–

So before your teacher says “go down to the field”

Tell him to stop and that he should yeild

No, not to traffic, a different kind of yield

And when he asks why, you should point to me and say:

–

“Sarah hates soccer.”

The Ache in Heartbreak

There is a certain art in a broken heart. It’s not a beautiful piece of art, and it’s very broken when you look at it. I’ve come to the conclusions that hearts are more fragile than thin glass, or butterfly wings. And if you haven’t figured it out, mine just broke.

I’ve never had a broken heart before, and I can honestly say that the pain I’m feeling right now makes never loving again almost worth it. In my last post I mentioned my boyfriend, Josh. Now he is my ex-boyfriend. In my opinion every second you are in a relationship your grip tightens on the others heart a little bit more. Josh and I had been dating for over a year. I plugged in the numbers that i had written down to the time he broke up with me over text tonight.

From: Thursday, May 1, 2014 at 12:37:45 PM
To: Monday, June 15, 2015 at 8:53:07 PM

Result: 410 days, 8 hours, 15 minutes and 22 seconds

The duration is 410 days, 8 hours, 15 minutes and 22 seconds

Or 1 year, 1 month, 14 days excluding the end date

Alternative time units

410 days, 8 hours, 15 minutes and 22 seconds can be converted to one of these units:

• 35,453,722 seconds
• 590,895 minutes (rounded down)
• 9848 hours (rounded down)
• 410 days (rounded down)
• 58 weeks (rounded down)

This is what the website said. I guess 35,453,722 seconds later we were bound to come to an end at some point. I honestly was considering breaking up, and had been for awhile. We hadn’t been working out, and we were drifting apart. It was when he broke up with me that I was shocked. He knows I have depression issues and I put walls up to people. The more I love them, the thicker they are. He also knows that my parents got divorced when I was 5, and my dad pretty much walked out on us, and that gave me trust issues. In my opinion he was helping me with all of this stuff. My walls were coming down, and I trusted him with a lot of my secrets. I even trusted him enough to give him my heart.

When he sent me the text reading, “Im doing this in person later. You know I don’t want to do this. On the friend level I think were ok. Just once we are in depth it became an issue. I’ve loved the time I spent with you but it isn’t going to work. I’m sorry.” My heart shattered. It no longer mattered that I had been considering it for awhile, it mattered that it happened, and over text. (For guys that don’t know and are reading this: that is an awful move, and if you do that to a girl you deserve what’s coming to you.)

That was the moment that i was really, really in love with him, and now he’s gone, and I feel broken. I told mom and she was very comforting. You can always count on mom’s to make you feel better about anything. She helped me realize that if we were to get back together then that’s great. If we don’t then it is just added to the list of failed high school relationships, and it’s a long one. I guess now I wait and think about my game plan. It’s officially 12:34 am here so I’m going to bed since I have finals tomorrow.

Good night.

Living in Ruins of a Place Within my Dreams

Today is Monday which means today automatically sucks. I hate Mondays. On the plus side, I just took my World History and Geography II, and Band final. The history final was pretty easy, and it could have been way worse. There were a lot of questions on it …. as you would imagine…. and I answered them all. there were a few about China and communism that I had issues with, but that was only about 3. I love my history teacher, Mr. Hudenburg. He basically made the final and said if it helps your grade we’ll count it, if it doesn’t, we won’t. ‘We’ is him and my other teacher. (I’m in mostly team thought classes for ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and POTS)

The band final wasn’t too torturous. I’ve come to the conclusion that having this be my last year in band is what’s healthiest thing for my brain. I’m really going to miss it, but for my mental health, I need to get out. The teacher isn’t nice, and it’s too much stress. While I am leaving the band, I’ll still be in the program through color guard. I did winter guard last winter, and I really loved it. I was awarded “Most Outstanding New Member” for the season! Color guard starts today after school for this fall. I’m excited. My boyfriend is doing it with me. His name is Josh, but I’m getting off subject.

The question I have is simple: If finals are so stressful, why does out society feel we need to take them. We had a girl throw up from the pressure today, and for a test. Test’s are important, I totally believe that, but this has gotten out of hand. If i am going to be stated and judges on a huge test given to m on a single day, at least don’t test me on my ability to memorize names and dates. Test me on my humanity. The day we get tested on our compassion abilities is the day I say that the human race has learned to prioritize correctly. Basically, test me on the correct and useful knowledge.

My brother suffers very severally from Bipolar disorder, dyslexia, dysgraphia, and ADHD. On top of all that, he has a processing speed of 2%, he has the lowest of every kid in Fairfax County Public Schools. To add a second layer of icing, and an extra cherry, my brother, Robert, has had one of the worst years. (I say one of because last year for me was worse) But he has a sinus infection, and the doctors gave m=him a medicine to fix it. This medicine is related to penicillin, which he is very allergic to. So, he has the worst rash that you could believe, and it gave him a sickness that I can’t spell.

I’ll never forget the day mom runs in my room freaking out and says “Sarah, wake up! Something is wrong with Robert, and I need to get him to the ER!” Mom couldn’t move him, and he was just crying and screaming, he couldn’t move, and it hurt to move him. He had to be carried, so I got my stuff in the car (Because it was a field trip day for band and I wouldn’t be home for 5 days) and I picked him up and carried him bridal style to the car. He screamed and screamed from the pain. When we arrived to the hospital which is fairly close to our house, I carried him in to the ER. We were seen immediately. When I put him on the bed, he started to calm down, but it was clear something was wrong with his hip. They gave him a sonogram and when he came back we learned he has fluid on his hip.

If you don’t know what cancer is, it sucks and can kill you. The sickness he has mimics every symptom of cancer, but it isn’t cancer because you don’t have a tumor. Before I left to go to school the doctors told mom and I that by the age of 18 he will be in wheelchair for life, or fine. He’s in 4th grade and is only 10, so you can imagine the crying we did. He begged me not to go, but Mom made me. I’m happy she did because I got to go to Atlanta, GA, and there wasn’t any way I could have helped by staying anyway. Getting back on task…

He has to take these tests, and he is guaranteed to fail them. He can’t do test like these, and eventually will not be able to finish High School. But don’t think he’s dumb because if you were to give him pieces to a car, I’ll bet $5,000 that he could build it and ave it run perfectly. He is so intelligent, but you won’t see it on a test.

I think we should rid of SOL’s and Finals because they aren’t smart. I have only ever heard of one good final. A professor at a collage handed his kids a paper and said ‘write a paragraph about what you learned in my class this year, and how it affects you.’ Well, Killing a race doesn’t do anything except kill more and make you less of a perfect leader. Kids with disabilities are just as equal as us. Bronze is made of tin and copper, and you use those elements to make bells. The atmosphere is 78% Nitrogen, 21% Oxygen, and 1% other gasses, with out this exact percentage, we would all die. If you want to be an architect, take geometry because isles triangles are important, and a Brilliant man wrote the most tragic love story of all time, which we know and Romeo and Juliet, and he didn’t even love his wife. My parent’s are divorced, so that’s how I learned about love. However truthful, I think I” skip out on the planed suicide though.